Changes

I've been working on this blog for awhile so it may seem dated, I keep starting it over and over but finally decided to post it today!

So its been over a year since my surgery and I have failed in my updates of this journey!!  I had every intention of keeping my blog updated as I went through all these changes but life got in the way and I got busy!!  So here is my update of my first year in menopause.

I gave a little update after my surgery and my first two doctor visits after the surgery and stopped.  There were some things that happened during that time that I didn’t mention in my post.  My mother and grandmother have always had a problem with their blood pressure and my sister did during her pregnancy but for some reason (which I’m grateful for) I’ve never had a problem with that, that is until I started taking the hormone pills they gave me after my surgery.  My blood pressure sky rocketed!  The first post op appointment my dr was concerned about it and told me to watch it, we had already planned on switching my hormones but we were hoping to wait till I took all the pills.  She was really surprised that the hormone pills would cause such a problem so she told me to take my bp before I took my pill and then after I took my pill, well before I took my pill it was low, which is really normal for me, then after I took the pill, it went up, drastically high.  Really was afraid that something might go wrong so after a few days I called the dr back and she told me to stop taking the pills and to go ahead and switch to the new patch.  I felt a difference immediately and my blood pressure finally settled back down.

The first month seemed to go by fairly good.  There were times that I was emotional and there were times that the stupidest things would upset me.  There was one point I cried because I was out of popcorn!!  The hot flashes and the insomnia were not fun to deal with at all.  I slept crazy hours the month I was off work.  The first few days after being home from the hospital I slept normal hours but then I slept odd hours.  I would sleep for a few hours and then get up and be up for the majority of the night, then I would sleep for hours during the day, not very much fun!   I did get bored during that month off work, I’m not made for sitting around, I’m made to be active!  If I would have had the energy to go back to work early I would have!!  My sleep still hasn’t leveled out and I guess it probably won’t for a long time, if ever again, but at this point, I wouldn’t know what normal sleep is so I guess its no big deal anymore!

For the most part, my patches held out in regards to the hot flashes and what not but here lately it has gotten to the point that I don’t think they are working anymore.  I’ve got an appointment coming soon and I’m going to have to have her adjust my hormones again and hopefully I’ll level back out.  Fingers crossed!!

One of my worries after I had my surgery was the fact that I knew at some point I was going to have to face friends and family getting pregnant and them telling me.  Personally, I’m over it!  I’d be lying if I said that I’m completely 100% happy and not bitter that its not me.  Seeing the facebook posts, tweets, instagram pics and snapchats (yes snapchats), kinda bums me out.  I knew that I was always going to be facing the fact that people are still gonna be having babies but I just didn’t realize I would learn of the first friend getting pregnant so soon and in such an insensitive way.  I was chatting on the phone with the guy and I get a snapchat, well I couldn’t open it because I was on the phone and once I get off the phone, I see that it’s a positive pregnancy test.  My heart sank.  I love the person that sent me the snapchat, but at the time, that was the most insensitive way to tell someone who just had a hysterectomy that they were pregnant.   I still don’t believe that that hurt has gone away.  I mean really, a snapchat?  Luckily they only stick around for 10 seconds or I would have probably broken my phone or something.  I need to say here that I’m not mad at my friend anymore over the snapchat, had it not been for my recent surgery it would have been a clever way to tell me you were pregnant, at the time, I was hurt beyond belief, but now, I’m ok!  I love my friend and her amazing baby that she brought into the world and I’m excited that I have another little one in my life calling me Auntie Barbie!

The only person that I was completely excited to hear was pregnant was my sister.  Hearing her pregnancy made me happy, complete miracle!  After she had Coop she was told it was probably never gonna happen again for her and then bam, here comes baby #2!!  Such a blessing, I can’t begrudge her because well, it’s a damn miracle!!  I’d still be lying if I said there wasn’t a part that wasn’t jealous, because I am and that was only the second time that I regretted my decision to have the surgery.  Regardless of that, I’m completely stoked that I’m going to be an aunt again!

So I mentioned my sisters pregnancy being the second time I regretted my decision so I should say my first time I regretted the decision is when I met the guy.  I guess since I had decided that I was probably never gonna get married, meeting him threw my whole life into a tailspin.  He was the first guy that I truly wanted to get married to and knowing how much he wanted kids made me really question if I had made the right choice, didn’t matter at that point, but I felt horrible for taking the possibility away from him.  It took me some time to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t be able to give him the one thing that he wanted more than anything but after much discussion with him we decided that we would adopt and just go from there.  As most know, that never happened but at the time I was completely excited that I was going to get the option of actually being a mom! 

Well after everything happened with the guy and I moved back my system just wasn’t the same.  My hormones were running wild and I had no control over them whatsoever.  After 2 hormone changes I’m hoping that I might be getting settled, but one never knows.  Seems that my next challenge in life will be finding the correct hormones for my system, a journey I don’t look forward to!