If your reading this, then for the most part you are fully aware of my journey thus far. Everyone knows about the endometriosis and PCOS and the problems that come from these horrible conditions. For those that may not know what either of them are here is a brief explanation:
Endometriosis: abnormal growth of cells (endometrial cells) similar to those that form the inside of the uterus, but in a location outside of the uterus. Endometrial cells are cells that are shed each month during menstruation. The cells of endometriosis attach themselves to tissue outside the uterus and are called endometriosis implants. These implants are most commonly found on the ovaries, the Fallopian tubes, outer surfaces of the uterus or intestines, and on the surface lining of the pelvic cavity. They can also be found in the vagina, cervix, and bladder, although less commonly than other locations in the pelvis. Rarely, endometriosis implants can occur outside the pelvis, on the liver, in old surgery scars, and even in or around the lung or brain. Endometrial implants, while they can cause problems, are benign (not cancerous).
PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome): is a problem in which a woman’s hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with your periods and make it difficult to get pregnant. PCOS may also cause unwanted changes in the way you look. If it is not treated, over time it can lead to serious health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease.
At the age of 24 I was diagnosed with both endo and PCOS. My sister had been diagnosed before me and in all honestly I never thought that I would have the same problem. I mean I have had female problems for as long as I can remember but my symptoms were not the same as hers so I just assumed that it was some freak thing that she got, then to my horror, the doctor told me that I had been given the same horrible curse as her, however, I will say, hers is much worse than mine and how she's dealt with it for so long I'll never understand. My pain tolerance is not that strong and I'm a huge wimp when it comes to dealing with everything that comes with the endo and the pcos. Diagnosis came after my first surgery and within a month I was put on Lupron. Lupron shuts your system down and throws you into menopause. I've always heard the older ladies complaining about hot flashes and night sweats and really thought that they were just crazy. I never imagined that your body could go from normal temps to being so hot that you think you need to go jump in a pool to get relief! Then I got my first hot flash. It was CRAZY! With menopause you get hot flashes, night sweats, attitude problems and for me, insomnia. Six months of HELL. I really don't know how to explain it other than saying it was hell. My sister warned me but you can't really prepare for dealing with it because you never know how your body is going to react to the medicine. I was a bitch, I was uncomfortable and just plain miserable the entire time I was on the meds. Never in a million years did I think I would be 24 and dealing with menopause. Fast forward 2 years and once again I was back in it. The meds worked for some time, but after about 2 years the endo was back with vengence. I missed a week of work and was absolutely miserable. I spent most of the time crying or sleeping. I found a new doctor and set out to have another surgery hoping to get some relief. About six months after my surgery, I went on the Lupron yet again and was facing my second battle with menopause at the young age of 26. This held out till I was 28 and by then it was time to have yet another surgery to remove any new growth. I was 29 when I had this surgery and relief wasn't to be found this time. My recover from the surgery was fast but the pain from the endo never went away. The doctor fully believed that the endo had moved into my uterus muscle and she was finally at a loss for what to do. She sent me to a fertility doctor who wanted to do an expieremental surgery that wouldn't guarantee any relief and could cause more complications in the future. So here I am at age 30 and I'm now getting ready to have a hysterectomy. This is where my true journey is going to start.
I begged my doctor to just remove everything when I was 26 and she refused, said I was to young and since I hadn't had kids yet there was no way in the world she would give me what I wanted. Well now, she's told me that its time to start thinking about having one done. I informed her today of my decision and will now start the process of getting what I hope to consider my final surgery with her underway. Everyone has a path for their life and this is mine. I'm now 30, still don't have kids and will never have any biological kids to call my own. However, if there is one thing I have learned in my life, blood is not always thicker than water and just because you share blood doesn't mean your a family. My sister was adopted as a baby and I have seen what a loving adoptive family can do for a child. That being said, having my own kids isn't a concern for me. My concern is not living my life like I should and being in constant pain puts me in a position to not have the life I want. I know I'm going to hear people say that I'm making the wrong decision and the only thing I can say is this, those who feel that way haven't spent a day in my shoes. When your curled up in a ball crying your eyes out because the pain pills and the heating pads aren't working then you can make your comments, until then, don't tell me I'm making the wrong decision. This isn't a decision that came lightly. I didn't just wake up this morning and think, oh hey, I think I'll have a hysterectomy tomorrow. This decision has come from the 15 plus years of living in pain, the millions of tears that I have shed and the ungawdly amount of money I have spent on ultrasounds, surgeries, birth control pills, Lurpon, pain pills, heating pads and everything else just to survive.
This is a journey that no woman should have to make at such a young age. I'm going to try to go through the changes that are coming with as much dignity as I can and just keep praying. I've always heard God never gives you more than you can handle so I'm going into this with as much faith as I can. God has a path for me and this is just the beginning!!
No comments:
Post a Comment